He sat behind his desk, arms crossed in front of him. He sat back in his chair and it fell back in forgotten expectation. The sudden rush of fear - the sharp intake of breath - every muscle tensing in adrenaline fueled impotence. A single butterfly danced up. Ginger smiled at himself.
He could not have planned a better way to put her at ease. At least as much as she could ever be at ease in his presence. He was fallible. Capable of fear. He could tell by her smile, suppressed but still struggling up to the surface however briefly, that some of the tension had gone out of her. She still sat ramrod straight in front of him with her hands folded within in themselves in her lap. Her dress came to a tasteful length at her knees. Her ankles were crossed like a proper lady.
He had refused to look to her ankle as she had limped into his office. He did look at her cane. The cane was something new. The discomfort must be increasing with age, he assumed. The cane was wood and a bit thicker that what you would normally see and it was polished to an impossible shine.
"I never wanted to see you again." She managed, somehow. to smile in a way that made the statement funny, if not exactly friendly.
"YOU were the worst night of my life."
He found himself. He had expected this. Accusation. NOT smiling. He could do that too. And he could do it better.
But she smiled, "And you were the best night of my life."
What?
It was everything he could do to keep from asking the question out loud. And then he wondered why it would be wrong to say it out loud. He was still debating when he heard his voice say, "What?"
It wasn't just his voice. His brows had gone up and then crinkled together. His chin had come up and to the left. Every tell he had ever had all at once. How did she do that?
"You gave me a life." She shrugged the phrase at him. "You gave me a limp. But you gave me a life too. What you did was outrageous. I had stolen from those women. I had. It was wrong. I should have been punished. That would have been just. What you did... What you did? You were a horror. A monster. What you did to me... I'll never walk without a limp. That's the horrible action of a terrible person."
Ah. We get to it. A monster. Evil. A bastard. He knew this script.
"And I am sorry I put you in that position." He felt himself swallow. None of this made any sense. And yet.. she gave him pause again.
"I knew I worked for Ms. Wetta. I knew what she could be like. In the back of my mind, I knew if I was caught, well, honestly, no addict thinks she will ever be caught. But I knew some of the things that had happened to people who had crossed her. And I knew that she never did those things herself. Someone would be ordered to do whatever thing she chose to do to me."
She pursed her lips at him. "I'm sorry you had to be that person."
He laughed. She pursed her lips a bit tighter. "Let me get this straight. You are apologizing to me for crushing your ankle? Really? My God, woman, What is wrong with you?"
"Not a thing. I know you had a choice to make. And I know you well enough, or I know of you well enough, to know that you have done far worse to other people than you have done to me. And I believe you will be held accountable for your decisions one day. I came here because I have to make amends. If I thought this would do you harm, I would be obligated to NOT come here. But I think you need to hear this: I forgive you. And I hope you can forgive me for putting you in that position - to have to make one of those horrible choices."
Her eyes glistened and this time it was her turn to swallow deeply. Ginger leaned forward with his elbows on his desk and looked at her. His face was blank - a mask. But another butterfly danced up from a dark place.
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