There is an impossible arrogance to writing. You take your thoughts and spill them out for the world to see. Prideful "artists" will maintain that it has nothing to do with the audience but I think that is a crock of sh.... stuff. Large pile of extremely smelly stuff. Even those who set out to demonstrate that they don't care what an audience thinks by putting out things that are designed to be off putting (see what I did there?) are still reacting to you people.
I think that I can turn a phrase and I can occasionally spit out the truth in ways that are palatable or toxic depending upon my mood or intent. I think that I can affect you folks and that is important to me. It is how I matter. Don't ask me where that realization comes from because I don't know.
As much as I like to clown around and cut up, I am not a very social person. I don't so much laugh with people as get people to laugh. I appreciate a good audience. See where the arrogance comes in? Why are my thoughts so important? Why do I care that I can affect you? It very well could be the exact opposite of arrogance. It could be that I don't value myself enough in and of myself and so I need to stir something in all of you to continue to prove that I have worth.
The people that I dislike most in this world are the people who have demonstrated or actually come out and said that I am not smart or don't contribute or matter. I am not so unique in that regard. Very rarely do you hear someone say, "See that guy over there? He hates my guts and thinks I am stupid. I hope I have a chance to do something wonderful for him someday." I just think that I might be more extreme in that regard.
The people I love the most are the people who have demonstrated some sort of appreciation for me. Again, not that abnormal at all, but I may be more demanding than most.
I have said for years that humanity is amazing - people are stupid. I think I like the idea of people more than actually being around people. If left to my own devices, I would more often than not be alone with a book or a pen (computer now a days) and not interact with most people. I don't have many deep, personal friendships because deep down, I don't want that many. I see some of you with 432 friends on Facebook and even that much sanitized, electronic intrusion makes me wince a little.
But I love to write stories that are not all that much fiction. I see some of you who grew up in horror and have somehow managed to not be a horror and I want to write about you. I see some of you who went off to war and became a warrior and then a minister and I want to write about you. I see some of you who have pledged your lives to the poor of this world and I want to write about you. I see some of you who have survived things that scare me when you talk about them and I want to write about you.
I admire you. I tip my hat to you. I toast you and I will buy you a drink. I think the wonder of God's imagination sparkles in your eyes. I tend to find value in my ability to make you mad, make you cry, make you laugh, or make you think.
I.... I just don't want to hang out with you.
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