Stray Thoughts - More Than 3, Less Than 100

Not Posted in a While

Have not posted anything in a while. I have NOT done so because I have not had thoughts that I wanted to express or because I could not put the ideas into words. I just could not follow the title of this blog and at least say it nicely. I will find a way to get these thoughts off my chest at some point, but apparently I need to mature a few more years to do it in a way, that at least I feel, are a tasteful manner. Yeah, I know. Low bar.

Why Does the One Bother Me and the Other Not?

There is a commercial out for a sandwich shop that delivers that really bothers me. I know - with all the things wrong with the world, I cover only the biggies.

It features a guy on a plane stuck between two huge fellas when the pilot announces a twenty minute delay before the plane will take off. The guy calls the sandwich company and before he can finish the call (or really say his order for that matter) there is a knock at the sealed plane door and it is the sandwich delivery person that the helpful flight attendant allows on the plane.

This bothers me and WHAT bothers me about the commercial bothers me even more. I am not bothered by the fact that the delivery person shows up impossibly fast. I am not bothered by the fact that the man never actually ordered any food before the food shows up. I am bothered by the fact that the flight attendant opens the freaking door.

I have more faith in bureaucratic dogmatism that would prevent someone from opening an airplane door, than I have in the laws of physics. I am willing to accept a teleporting, telepathic delivery person as a rational possibility more so than I am willing to accept that someone would exercise common sense after being granted a sliver of power over others.

The rules say once the door has been sealed, it stays sealed. And there have been instances where people have spent 6 hours or more sitting on a runway waiting for a plane to take off or go back to the gate. I cannot believe the mundane can be altered for the better and when I see it portrayed as such, it bothers me.

On a side note - can you imagine the money you could make if you were a teleporting, telepathic delivery person? Wow.

Another Commercial Idiocy

Have you seen the commercial where the frozen pizza tries to convince us it is just as good as delivery? I personally love the one where the kid takes a frozen pizza and pretends to be the pizza delivery guy at a party at a mansion. The security guy is skeptical that the kid is actually the pizza delivery guy but is reassured once he looks at the so-delicious-it-could-not possibly-be a frozen pizza. He then invites the guy in to join the party because he is the REAL pizza delivery guy. Happy Ending!

Here's my problem. When have you EVER invited the pizza delivery guy to come in and have dinner with you? I try not to let the guys get too far into the house and see the big screen TV in case the delivery job is his way of casing future robbery targets ( I have not watched 20 years of Law & Order without learning a few things)

Walk/Don't Walk Signals

Indianapolis is like most other cities in that they have the walk/don't walk signal lights. They are helpful and have probably saved a few lives. And they have traditionally catered to people who could see.

Independently minded blind people have relied on audible clues from traffic noise and other pedestrians to figure out when it is safe to walk. But now there is a new feature. There is a voice that states it is "Safe to Walk". It is a great help. Very thoughtful. An example of what some people call political correctness but I think is really thoughtfulness.

But here is my problem. I have stood at the street corner where these signals make their helpful suggestions and I can't tell which DIRECTION it is safe to walk. It does not say north, south, east, or west. It does not say right or left. So, I think blind people are back to having to listen all over again. But I don't know.

Any blind people reading this, please post a reply. What? Whaaaat? McDonald's offers braille menus at the DRIVE THROUGH. I am operating on the same logic.

World Series This Year

Looks like the Rangers and the Cardinals are evenly matched. So many of their stats in this post season are almost identical. Probably gonna be horrible ratings because both teams are from the middle of the country but should be great baseball.

I have a friend who has a line on tickets to game 6 or 7 and if the series goes that long and his source comes through, Priscilla and I will be going to a World Series game in St. Louis and rooting firmly for the Rangers.

Gotta find a Texas hat that fits my giant melon.

Texas is Vain or Has an Inferiority Complex

(Or Yes, EB, Your State is Mental)

I lived in Texas for five years and if the opportunity presented itself, I would go back in the heartbeat after my wife said it was okay. But even while I was living there and loving it, I noticed things that made me want to grow a Freudian beard and go, "Hmmmm."

They (the Texans) put the Texas Star on beer, burgers, cars, trucks, burritos, pets, x-ray machines, roller coasters, baby food, diapers, handcuffs, toilet paper, breathalyzers, pillow cases, and exotic dancers. That is a sign of a state that feels like it has something to prove.

I wonder if Texas was like this before Alaska joined the Union. Must gall the "everything is bigger in Texas" crowd to know that Alaska is the biggest state in the Union.

I love Texas. But as a friend, I have to say, ease up. You have nothing to prove. Sure the Cowboys suck right now. Yeah, the Longhorns are having a 2nd year of mediocrity. The Houston Astros might be a minor league affiliate of the Milwaukee Brewers next year. The Houston Texans just lost their best defensive player for the year and their best offensive player for another two weeks. But the Mavericks won an NBA championship... for a league that might not play again this year.

So how bout these Rangers? Ratings might be higher than I thought. Whole (mental) State of Texas might be tuned in.

Cardinals Fan

I have a friend of mine who is a Cardinals fan. He and I have always had a similar sense of humor and have been able to "riff" well together and get others to laugh. I felt close to this friend within minutes of getting to know him.

I am not a person to whom it is easy to be friends. One of the most exclusive clubs out there is the group whom I call "friends" who feel as deeply towards me as I do them. I am not easy to get along with and to be brutally honest, most of you bore me. I just don't like people. My wife's dog has been more important to me than MOST of the people that I have met in this world.

But the Cardinals fan and I hit it off as baseball fans stuck in Houston and fans of other teams. One of my favorite memories is a day after work going to the Astros game and sitting in the nose bleed section. There were about 10 teenagers up there with us and it was a long, long walk to the beer stand.

I saw a beer vendor many miles below where we were sitting. We shouted for him but the guy could not hear us or did not want to trek all the way up there for just two guys. Without missing a beat, I told the kids in front of us "on the count of three, we are gonna shout 'Hey beer man'. Okay? On the count of 3, 'Hey Beer Man!' Got it? Good. 1....2.....3"

As an aside, you can get almost anyone to shout almost anything if you do it on the count of 3 and you don't give them time to think about it. We shouted, 12 strong, for the beer guy and he came all the way up there with his Sherpa and then saw that only two of us were legal to buy beer. We offered to buy 6 each from him but he was only allowed to sell us two each. He sold, we bought, and he left with and angry look for all of us. Good times.

We recently went to watch my Braves lose to the Cardinals in St. Louis as the guest of Cardinals fan (because all the Braves did in September was lose) and we had a great time. We fell into old rhythms and old jokes and new jokes that just worked. Priscilla shocked me on the ride home when she said that if people did not know better they would think "you were brothers".

I was flattered and pleased all at the same time. I don't like most people, but I am deathly loyal to the people that I finally call "friend".

She is a Beautiful Girl

I had a best friend from the time I was in first grade until I graduated from high school. After high school we grew apart. We went drinking one afternoon and talked about our fathers who had passed away.

I told him after two or three or fourteen Natural Lights that I was not half the man my father was. He looked at me as if I was the stupidest creation ever of the Almighty and said, "None of us are."

This was not a man who was given to deep pronouncements or deep thoughts. But this was a basic truth that was so obvious to him that it staggered him that I had to say it out loud.

He is not on Facebook or any of the rest of it that I can tell. But his daughter (or one of them) is. And she looks just like him. Spitting image. That amazes me. She is a cute girl just the way he was the kind of guy that every high schooler wishes he could be.

I found her when FB suggested her mom as a friend. I know her mom and my friend were married at one time but I did not know they had kids. But that little girl is the spitting image of her daddy.

God. I feel old.

More to Come

There is not another person in my life other than my parents, brothers, and wife that have had a greater impact on my life than one particular person. He deserves more than a segment in stray thoughts and will get his very own post soon. And those of you who have known me the longest, know exactly to whom I am referring.

He was able to call me on crap that no one else was able to call me on. I respected him that much. Example: I was pissed that my mom had a hissy-fit about me mowing the grass before I started my weekend rambling. I had mowed the yard and one of the first places I stopped while rambling around south Georgia was at his house.

I voiced my disgust with my chore that my mom had imposed on me and he asked, "So how many acres did you have to mow?'

I told him that it was just less than an acre. "Not even a full acre, huh? What type of push mower did you have to take out there?"

I had to admit that it was a riding mower. "So you got to sit down the whole time on less than an acre of grass? Really? So, was it 100 or 105 degrees?"

Even I knew I was beat when I said, "It was 85 degrees. Is that a Turkey Leaf Oak Tree or a Cherrybark Oak?"

Not many people get to challenge me and he could do it with impunity because I knew above all else he was a GOOD man.

His own post on this site is coming soon. Feel free to leave your guesses about who he is in comments. Several of you have been impacted by his life just as much or more than I have.

Chess

I hate the game of Chess. I learned to play when I was twelve from my dad along with my brother Mark ( 18 months younger than me) and my brother Jason (5 years younger than me). Dad beat us routinely early on. Then Mark beat him. Mark is the mechanic of us boys. And the electrician. Very analytically minded, my brother Mark. And then, he beat Dad again. And again. And again.

So Dad and I played a lot of chess for a while. And then I beat Dad. Went a while and then I beat him again. And then again. And, a while later, I beat him again.

So Jason and Daddy played a lot of chess. And then Jason beat him. And Jason just kept beating him.

(Major aside - A very good movie that I absolutely HATE is A League of Their Own in which women take over baseball while the men are fighting WWII and the main character THROWS the big game to her baby sister because she feels sorry for her. Horrible, horrible movie. The idea that an accomplishment is valuable when it is not really achieved - horrible.)

I hate the fact that my dad lost to any of us. I wish he could have won every game. I really wish he could have won against all of us each and every time. But I am proud that each of us gave the old man our best effort. I am proud that each defeat hurt him - if you have any pride at all, a loss should hurt - and I am proud that none of the three of us held back.

But I never play chess any more. I don't think I have played since my dad died. In Chess, you have to think so many moves ahead of right now. I focus pretty well on right now. I "live in the moment" as well as anyone. But I hate planning. That is another telling thing about me.

Famous People Die in 3's

My mother told me years ago that famous people die in threes and I blindly accepted it as fact as only a child could. My wife made me realize that maybe the rest of you did not know of this urban myth.

As an example, and with respect to all family members of the mentioned (as if they read this blog - did I mention I was an arrogant pig?) Steve Jobs (Founder of Apple), Al Davis (Owner of the Raiders and NFL great), and Casey Wheldon (Two time winner of the Indy 500) all died within 5 weeks of each other.

I don't know if this always holds true. But when a celebrity death catches my attention, I look for the other two folks. I wonder if anyone on the internet has gone out and made a record of the collections of 3 deaths of famous folks.

You are going to go and Google that aren't you? Cool. Go ahead. Post anything you find. I am almost ready to bet that there is a website that features this thing. But I want you guys to go look and tell me.

Luthor

I am not talking about the enemy of Superman. I am talking about Detective Inspector Luthor of the BBC series Luthor that features a detective that makes the hard choices as I like to think I would make them. Luthor, as played by Idris Elba, does not compromise. It is a fantastic study in how the life free of compromise is absolutely miserable.

Season one is available on Comcast and it is only 6 episodes long. A great story that I don't think would ever be told on American television ( it is on here in the states on BBC America). Season two is now on and I have seen episode one (and even though a cousin of mine has seen the whole thing and was not impressed) I am looking forward to future episodes.

My problem is with the OnDemand function of my cable service. I have season 2 episode 1 and I have season 2 episode 3. What the hell happened to season 2 episode 2? I have waited 3 weeks now for the cable company to fix this mess. I may have to take matters into my own hands. (For those of you have seen the series, you might be telling me "settle down, Alice."

Stupid

If you keep falling for the idea that FB is going to start charging for their services and actually post that crap to the rest of your friends, YOU ARE MIND NUMBINGLY STUPID!!!! And yes, that is the nicest way I could say that.

Grandpa and Snakes

My dad always told me the story of my grandpa fishing and seeing baby moccasins sunning themselves on the branches of a log that had fallen into the water. Grandpa would reach into the branches and take the small snakes between his thumb and forefinger and then twist off their heads. He would sit there and kill snake after snake.

Daddy said that he spotted the Momma snake and pointed at it swimming up and asked Grandpa, "Ya gonna get that one, Daddy?"

Grandpa looked at the four foot long snake that was the circumference of his arm and said, " No, baby, I think we are going to let that one alone."

I always thought that was a cute story but it was always a bit imaginary to me. Right up until I was 16 years old and had Wesley Gilliard's Grandpa tell me the same story because he was on the SAME fishing trip.

Why does a family story seem so much more REAL when someone from outside your family confirms the story? Is this just me?

Surprise Anniversary Trip

My wife and I have gone SOME WHERE for our anniversary every year except last year when our funds were consumed with the move to Indianapolis. This year is my year to plan the trip and as a fun variation, Priscilla has no idea where we are going. But I can't resist the time honored tradition of taunting her. Here are some vacation ideas that we might or might not be doing. Some of them might be accurate. One of them might be accurate. None of them might be accurate. All of them bring me joy to write.

Tandem Sky Diving in Ohio

Rock Climbing in South Dakota

Rafting at Niagara Falls

World Series at Dallas

World Series in St. Louis

Gambling in Vegas

Gambling in St. Louis

Gambling in New Orleans

Cooking Class in New Orleans

Best BBQ in the USA

Family Reunion

Horse Races

Football Game

Paris at Dawn

Paris at Sunset

Cruise to Alaska

Cruise to Panama

Cruise to Atascocita

A Tour of Napa Valley, CA

Okay. That should raise her expectations enough that whatever we are able to afford to do will pale in comparison. But now I get bonus points for all this expensive crap that I would have done if we had had the money.

Harsh Things

Again, there are things on my heart that I will eventually have to say but only when I find a kind way to say them. Or until I no longer care who I offend. But, no matter what I have led you to believe, I really do want to share ideas in a way that I at least say it nicely.