Stray Thoughts III - This Time Its Personal

Best Omelet EVER!

Wife just told me a fun story about a Muslim friend of hers. Upon coming to the U.S. he had the best omelet he has ever had in his life. He sat there and savored this breakfast and was amazed at how much better the dish was than anything he had ever had back home. He was so taken with it that before he finished the meal, he stopped the waiter to inquire about the ingredients.

The waiter listed all the components and when he said bacon, my wife's friend pointed out that he had ordered it without the bacon crumbles. The waiter apologized to him since it was pretty obvious that the chef had most certainly included bacon bits in the omelet.

My wife's friend opened up what was remaining of the best omelet he had ever eaten and tasted the small bits of meat that he had been told was bacon. Yep. That was the taste that made it so good. Easily, he admitted to my wife later, the best tasting food he had ever had.

And barring another happy accident, he will never have it again. Now that is a funny, sad, enlightening, frustrating, and tempting story.

DeJay Mood Swings

Ever been listening to a particular radio station and they are just jamming out? You are driving with blue skies and sunshine and the open road before you with the music just pounding. Its so good, you roll down the windows and start singing along (horribly out of tune, mind you) with the music that has your blood boiling through your veins.

And then a song that would be considered too maudlin for Lilith Fair comes on and you have to think the dejay just lost his girlfriend during the commercial break. You literally wonder if she sent him a text during the last song.

"Bob, I am leaving you. You spend far too much time at the radio station and you care more for your listeners than you do for me. I have changed the locks to the apartment and Ramon is moving in with me. Yes, he is the flamenco dancing teacher for the class you were too busy to take. His cousin Paco is moving in with us. I was a bit concerned with how affectionate they were with each other, but Ramon explained that cousins greet each other with that kind of kiss in Ecuador. But the point is he listens to me and he takes me dancing and he is not afraid to order those cocktails that you have always said were too girly. He may need a green card but it is really about true love. We are soul mates and you and I are done."

And then you and I pay for it on the radio as the next 3 songs feature ballads of how men have taken their lovers for granted.

Truffle Oil Has No Truffles in It

My wife told me this evening that truffle oil is olive oil with various synthetic compounds that mimic the taste of legitimate truffles. I am so disappointed. But since truffles go for about $100.00 per ounce, I guess I will have to settle for the oil for now.

Put My Wife on the Corner

I have to confess to something. I have put my wife out on the corner in downtown Indy on more than one occasion with instructions to not come back to the car without cold, hard cash. Yeah. I know. Scuzzy.

But most places when we moved here only accepted cash for parking and we kept forgetting to bring cash with us when we would go downtown. As a result, Priscilla would have to get out at the corner to grab cash from the ATM.

What did you think I was talking about?

Old Daydream

Friend of mine reminded me of a day dream we had years ago. A bunch of us have worked in distribution for years and have all the major areas covered. We have one friend that is a master of inventory control systems and methodology. My wife is an EXPERT at maximizing transportation efficiency with the absolute lowest costs possible. Another of us has spent the past few years working with small trucking transportation concerns as well. One of us has worked in security and safety. Three of us are super aggressive free thinkers when it comes to building teams and moving a box from one place to another as cheap as possible. All of us have worked in a variety of operating systems and are pretty darn sharp people.

We have talked for years about setting up our own third party logistics company to provide our expertise to companies needing warehousing and transportation. The idea is thrilling and scary all at the same time. But the idea of running a building (or three or four) with your friends is a very enticing one.

I realized as I typed that last line, I sound very Miami Heatish. But people forget that the Heat were the second best team in the NBA their first year together. I would love to open a business and be the second best in our first year. But, we all live in separate states of these United, so I don't know if it would ever happen.

It was really cool to have one of them bring it up though. You go through life making these connections with people and you know how deeply they run for you but it is hard to know if they feel the same. Nice to know that this idea from so long ago is still fresh in the mind of at least one of my old friends.

And friend, if you can secure the backing, I will do my best to talk Priscilla into it.

Consushied - When an Octopus is not a Volcano

Yi-Vet (not her real name) and I went to eat sushi the other day. Priscilla is not as adventurous with sushi, but she is trying some of them. Yi-vet loves it as much as I do and so, on a day Priscilla had to work, we decided to go all out.

We ordered so many varieties that we were not sure what was what. We actually had to have the waitress walk us through what was on the serving platter. First time either of us had to do that. And most everything was great.

Eel is amazing. It is prepared with a kind of teriyaki sauce and it tastes kind of like a sweet piece of roast beef. We had Kobe beef draped across rice with a drop of soy sauce in the rice and a few chives atop the raw beef - one of the best tasting things I have ever eaten.

We then got to one that we could not remember the name. And it was awful. It had some kind of sauce on it that Yi-vet said was picante and I maintain was a mix of Texas Pete hot sauce and ketchup. And the texture of whatever fish was in it was rubbery chewy. Not just chewy mind you, but rubbery chewy.

And then we found the four little rolls that the waitress had said was the spicy octopus roll. This thing was amazing. Worth the whole visit. Could have sat there and eaten six orders of those things. Came home and raved about them to Priscilla.

So tonight we went back and of course we ordered the spicy octopus roll. AND they brought us the rubbery, chewy, Texas Pete, ketchup thing.

You ever see that part of Caddy Shack where the Baby Ruth candy bar is floating in the pool and everybody thinks its "doodie"? Remember the looks of horror on the faces? That's pretty much how Yi-Vet and I looked when the real spicy octopus roll hit the table.

I tried to talk Priscilla out of trying it. I told her that I am always encouraging her to try new things and I am recommending against this thing since it might have kept her from trying future sushi offerings. To her credit, she tried it anyway and to ours, she admitted that it was truly awful.

When we had the waiter take it away, he admitted that he did not like that one either.

And so we were left to pour over the menu and find the dish we liked so much on the last visit. We settled on the Volcano roll and when it hit the table we were relieved to see that it was the dish we were hoping for all along. Priscilla tried this one and loved it.

It is great to see someone's face when they try a dish you love and you can tell they really like it too. It is not an initially happy face. The eyes get big and then the brows furrow and the person looks almost angry and then the smile hits. And I played no part in preparing any of it. Just recommended it. But it still gives you the feeling that you have accomplished something. Kind of like the feeling I get when my Braves, Falcons, or Tigers do well and I feel pride even though I have never thrown a ball for any of them.

Simple and Funny

My mom was scrubbing the grime off our front porch. Our dogs slept up there and we never washed them so they left stains where ever they would lay. After a few months the stains had gotten darker and darker and mom had enough. She mixed up a solution that was about half pine cleaner and half water and was out there with the broom scrubbing the floor and the walls.

The front door was open so that Daddy could talk to her while she was working on this little project. Daddy was not drafted to do this project because he would have euthanized the dogs soon after getting the porch clean. I don't know if he would have actually done that but Mom believed it and it kept him from having to scrub the porch and I really tried to stay out of their games of chicken.

My brothers and I were standing there too and I have no idea why she did not dragoon us into cleaning this up but we had somehow escaped as well. So my mom was working on this but she was not happy about it. She was fussing in time with her broom.

And then... And then her feet came up so that her toes were eye level. She said some sort of cuss word and I honestly don't remember which one. I remember my eyes getting bigger as the whole thing slowed down to the speed nature documentaries use when showing a frog's tongue picking a mosquito out of the air.

My mom's butt came down HARD on the concrete porch. We all rushed out to see if she was okay and she pushed us all back and got to her feet. Through clenched jaws we asked again if she was okay and she said she was. My dad was getting red in the face. I mean red-purple as he asked a third time if she was alright. Again my mother answered for the third time before the rooster crowed that she was indeed fine.

And then we all fell out laughing. Tears down our faces, teenage brothers hugging each other laughing. My dad had to go blow his nose he was laughing so hard. We had finally stopped laughing other than a few bursts of giggles when we would make eye contact.

We were almost under control when my mom muttered, "F'ing dogs" and we fell out laughing again.

Laugh sometime today. It will do you good.